As I come up for air and look around, I see that so much has changed. I'm in my late twenties now. In fact, today I turned 28. I swear just a few years ago I turned 23.... thinking "damn, that's two years older than 21", which I thought was all that counted.
Where has all the time gone?
Was the past ten years worth it?
What's next, and why?
How will the next ten years be different?
These are things that I've considered this past year, and more recently it's started to make a little more sense.
So much has changed since being a wide-eyed 18 year old kid, and I realize... this is it!
There is no destination, it really is about the journey.
One of the things I've learned recently is:
While we idealize the pursuit of happiness, some of us... and I'd venture to guess, most of us to an extent, find happiness in the pursuit... It's the chase that makes us feel alive!
When it comes to your time, it's a zero sum game, or at least that's how I see it.
We are given so many years, days, hours and seconds to exist here... and when its done, we move on! It's the one thing that we really cannot create any more of. It's an invaluable currency, and something to be spent wisely.
We pay now or we pay later, but in any case it will be paid.
How it's spent is up to us, and we typically pursue what we deem the most valuable to us at any given point.
Thinking about the past ten years, I've heard it countless times from people around me to "stop being so hard on yourself", or something of the like.
After hearing it so many times, you start to believe it!
I'd be left confused, because in my eyes I saw no other option.
Am I doing something wrong?
What if I regret this?
Some years working 60-70 hours a week, several weeks or months in a row before taking a break.. and every year thinking it was "the hardest year yet". Missing out on lots of family events, time spent with friends, and things... most 20 somethings would do. Going ten years without taking more than two days off.
Hearing others tell me I was doing something wrong, would get to my head sometimes.
Looking back to today, I realize... that's all I really wanted to do! This sh*t is fun!
The only thing I wanted to do was to learn as much as I possibly could about my industry... and to be the best I could be. I still do!
What I learned was as much as my ideal life isn't ideal to another person, their life isn't ideal to mine!
I'd say, looking back that maybe I wouldn't have let things get me down as often, but I did what set me on fire!
Each year... what I learn about changes... but the act of learning, and the joy derived from it remains.
What I've learned is I love learning, I love building and I enjoy the pursuit of the next great challenge. I feel best when I have a mission, and I plan to keep the missions in front of me and to go as far for as long as I can.
To find happiness in the pursuit, until one day, perhaps I do not.
The mission is to look back and say, that I can I found the heaviest load I could bare, and carried it forward (or automate it lol).
I built something that I can look back and feel some sort of accomplishment in. We are not there yet.
Self actualization is something of continuous pursuit, and what that looks like for the future I am still unsure of.
What I know is that whatever sets me on fire is where I need to go!
I am now beginning to realize my own human capacity and my own transitory nature. Thinking I was invincible the first ten years of adulthood, and now realizing maybe that's not the case.
Knowing this, I appreciate being present each day more than I may have in the past, but also act with greater urgency in the pursuit of what it is I set out for.
I know now that today is that "one day" I was counting on at some point in my life... and the time is now!
Right now, we have time, but one day we wont. Time is a finite currency, and the most valuable of them all.
Each level brings a new set of challenges, and if life is anything like a video game, the higher the level, the more difficult.
Right now I'm at level 28, and will take on what comes my way. This game has been interesting, and I truly look forward to the next.
I hope to look back again in the next ten years, and see things pan out, for the most part the way I had envisioned. Pursuing the next thing to invest my energy in. To build a better Hawaii. To revolutionize an industry. To create a better future for those around me!
I love seeing a good plan come together. I also know that is rarely ever the first iteration that succeeds!
For now, I am grateful and am finding happiness in this pursuit. I love what I do, and am glad I spent the past 10 years the way I did.
I trust that ten years looking back... I'll be able to say the same. So... 28-38 year old Bren, don't mess this up!