Why You Can't Find Your Passion

A couple of blog posts ago, a friend, who happened to have been reading my blog reached out and we were talking to each other about "motivations" and "focus". Somehow we got onto the topic of your "why". 

Then, a couple days later, another buddy and I were talking about our future plans, and I was asked... "What's your why?".

We were trying to figure out what drives us. Both of us are simple people, yet we are both very entrepreneurial and have big visions for what we are trying to accomplish...

This question left me spinning and my answer... was indeterminate. I don't know! There was a bit of existentialism that came up as we talked about it more. Neither of us could nail down any single one thing that served as our "why"! 

This felt a bit unsettling to me. You always hear motivational videos talking about remembering your why... but this topic coming up multiple times in the past week or so really made me think about it. 

This question really made me think. To help better understand myself better. I read about the topic, and thought about conversations I've had with different people. 

I want to have a clearer understanding of what drives myself and other people. I'm going to be exploring the topic in this post. I hope this helps bring up thoughts and ideas for yourself... to see how you might relate in some way! 

Is Money Really the Motive? 

Sure, the number one reason we work is to survive. In today's society, we need money to survive. We need it to pay our rent or mortgage, to pay our bills, and to buy food and other necessities...

But is this really what determines a persons level of drive? I don't think so.

The marginal utility of added dollars once your basic needs have been met, begins to taper off. With that said, once you have enough (for your needs / basic wants), what do you stand to benefit from obtaining more money? The answer is... probably less than the previous more important unit(s).

Money is just a medium of exchange. You receive money for helping others achieve what they want, and you use money to obtain the things that you want.

This means that if what you are doing is strictly for the money or financial benefit.. eventually you will find that... you don't have a real need or practical use for additional units. Once you have what you deem enough, what keeps you going? 

Sure, you may feel you do not yet have enough and that it's tough to get there. Some of you might have kids, families, or other obligations that change your appetite for financial gain. However, the benefit of each additional unit is less than the previous unit regardless. 

Imagine, guys like Elon Musk. It could take him a lifetime to spend his fortune, do you really think he does it solely for the money? 

There are unlimited novelties that you can indulge in... but the appeal to novelty is a logical fallacy.

It's our conception that "new" means "better", and after enough time... you realize this, often times, not to be true! A smart guy like Elon knows this to be true.

Unknowingly, I've tested this fallacy personally in earlier years of my life, experimenting with buying things I thought would be "motivating", and experienced this first hand.

I myself, at 27 years old now, am a very simple guy. More simpler than most in my age group. As long as I have place to sleep, food to eat and a way to pay my bills (which are minimal), I am content. I'm almost boringly simple in some ways.

The appeal of luxury has since faded from my early 20s. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy purchasing cool things here and there, but I understand that this can't be my sole motivator or I will eventually lack the drive for additional units. 

Belonging to a Tribe

In the 21st Century... it's easier to survive than most, if not all, times in human history. We have a relatively free, peaceful and just society, the best medical technology that we've ever had, and access to food and water on a scale never before seen.

There were points where we needed to form social groups for survival. To hunt and gather or to fight off other tribes. There is no longer a real physiological need to belong to a tribe... But this is a "new" phenomenon in the history of human existence. 

For eons, we were built to be a social species that needed to belong, and together as humankind we've developed ways to survive more efficiently. The birth of specialization, industrialization and modern technology has since reduced the need for the tribalism. 

Although it is no longer required for us to be a part of a tribe, our instincts cannot just be reversed.. we want to be a part of a tribe. 

I think we want to be a part of a social group where we are accepted, and have a team that we can rely on. 

Why do people play sports, or have hobbies? A big part of it is the camaraderie. I remember growing up, skateboarding... and all of my close friends at one point were skaters. It was a group to belong to, and I was a part of a tribe. 

In the same way, our work colleagues and coworkers are in a way...a tribe that we belong to. 

I think in some ways, our work life gives us a social group to be a part of. Whether it be positive or negative, it depends on you, your peers and the workplace. However, work can help fill this need of belonging or lack thereof. 

The people I work with, are strangers that have become friends, or friends that have become family.... and in some cases, family that have become employees. The tribe that I belong to relies on me to do certain things, and I rely on each of them to do certain things as well.

We catch each other's backs and in some ways... there is an innate human instinct that I feel your why must fulfill... that is, the need to belong to something. 

Will Anyone Truly Remember Your Accomplishment? 

A couple months ago, Betty White passed away at age 99. She was an actress and comedian, and in many ways embedded into American culture. She was loved by many, and when news spread of her passing, it broke the internet. 

Two months later, the initial shock has since passed. There's a new sound bite, that peaks people's interest and now that's the breaking news.

After a legendary career, spanning many decades... her existence has now come to an end. Eventually, she will be forgotten.. along with the billions of other humans who have inhabited this earth.

This is a reminder that no one really cares about what you did as much as you might think. This is not meant to say that no one cares about you, because it's likely not true... but your accomplishments are not as important to others as you think they might be. 

Seeking the validation of others as your "why" will leave you disappointed. You should be doing what you want to do, not what your friends, peers, or family think. 

I've had personal goals that seemed like a huge deal for me, I worked hard to achieve them... and when I finally got there, there was a brief moment of reflection and celebration... and I soon forgot about it and moved on. We've had company goals that we pushed for, hit, had a moment of celebration... and half an hour later, back to normal business.

The gratification of achieving a goal is short lived. 

I remember thinking... when I hit this goal, something will be different. I don't know what, but it will be different.

It wasn't. So I set another one, and another one.

This made me realize that nothing really changes when you hit your goals. It's the act of pursuing your goals that change you. It's the process of pursuing a worthy ideal, that is really the benefit.

People are often seeking just the end result... thinking that they are chasing a future life that will be a Disney movie.. when they realize nothing will change, it leads to frustration. 

The purpose of a goal is to give you the skills, lessons and experiences along the way to achieve it.... not to achieve the goal itself! 

I think that my job requires me to continually learn and gain different skillsets.. and that is what I find enjoyment in. It's much like a MMORPG game that I used to play as a kid... RuneScape! 

It's likely a "why" would need to leave you feeling fulfilled, and "accomplished". To feel proud of what you are learning and how far you have come.

It probably shouldn't be for the recognition of others.. but something internal! 

"Chase your Passion" + "Never Work a Day in Your Life"...Right. 

I hear it all the time that people think they should "Chase their Passion", or "If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life". 

I'm not saying you shouldn't chase their passion, but often, we assume that we should chase our passion as a career. To be honest, this just sounds like a fairytale that's sold to young adults. 

I love what I do, but it sure feels like work... every single day! 

Would I say that I grew up thinking that construction and real estate were my passions? No. My passion was skateboarding, but I was interested in construction and real estate. 

I don't think that your job necessarily needs to be your passion, but it should fit into your life in a way that aligns with your passion. 

Think about this... I know an insurance broker that seems to love what he does. Do you think he grew up thinking... "One day, I'm going to pursue my passion brokering insurance!". 

I highly doubt it. He found something he is good at. What I do know is that he's a successful guy, relatively happy person, has a family and hobbies and is great at what he does. If I had to guess, this job leaves him relatively fulfilled. 

Your passion does not need to be your job, but I think a benefit of your job is it being a means to pursue your passions. 

So How Do I Find It? 

I don't think finding your why is that simple. I also don't think your passion necessarily needs to be your career... 

Each person would seem to differ slightly... because we are all in different points of our lives and have different underlying circumstances.... but at the end of the day, finding something that you like to do probably should fulfill a number of points, not just one or two! 

If I had to guess, it should....

• Allow you to provide for your physiological needs, and maybe a few wants. 
• Should provide safety, and help you feel and be a part of something.... your tribe! 
• Give you a sense of fulfillment in learning new and relevant skills, and experiences. 
• Be something that fits goals in other areas of your life... if the exact job isn't your "passion" it should be a vehicle to allow you to pursue it! 

I think there's more thinking about this to be done, but it's a starting point in figuring out more clearly what my why is at this very point in time... and I hope it helps you figure out yours.